


Trying not to fall (but ultimately falling too hard)

by Mayth



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, One Shot, remus lupin is a happy bunny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-24 17:01:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21681373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mayth/pseuds/Mayth
Summary: He could control himself perfectly if Sirius wasn't nearby.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 27





	Trying not to fall (but ultimately falling too hard)

Remus had never thought of those things, although it was not a world far away or unknown to him. Well, when not immersed in the realization of a new trouble, James spent much of his time talking about Lily's long hair, her green eyes like jade, her voice, her smile. He had once been able to talk for three hours about the way she walked, until Sirius, desperate, struck him with a dumbfounding spell to try to regain some peace and silence.  
  
So yes, Remus was more than aware that boys of his age had two things in mind: Quidditch and girls.

Except that he had always cared little or nothing for Quidditch, just enough to get him out of his lungs to make James win, so he suspected it was more a matter of friendship and induced euphoria than a real interest in the sport. And the girls, well, undoubtedly there were nice ones, and some of them had lips that seemed to be made especially to be kissed. But all of them danced in the corridors like spring flowers and Remus was certain that if even one had seen him, really seen him, with his scars and dark circles and all those escapes and lies month after month, if one of them had found herself in front of the monster, she would not have hesitated to scream and run away. Maybe denouncing him.

He had never considered himself particularly cynical, but Remus trusted only his friends. Who else, after all, would have spent so much effort and energy to find a solution to a hopeless problem; who would have wanted to wander through the trees of the Forbidden Forest with a werewolf? No one, except his weird and impossible friends.

He had been so lucky to meet them. So grateful. They were all the good that he had ever had — so who cared about love, effusion and white skin like clouds? Certainly not to him. Remus had something else, and that was enough for him.  
  
And so he had come to the fifth year with the conviction that love would be something adult, perhaps after that horrible war at the gates. Maybe romantic, maybe convenient. He didn't spend too much time thinking about it.  
  
Except.  
  
Except sometimes he believed that his heart could burst or that he was suffering a heart attack whenever his own eyes touched _his_. Every time he turned that crooked half smile of his to him, that smile that would tell _trouble in sight_. When he sat next to him, even though James had deliberately left a vacant chair to his right. Or when he stretched out to mess with Remus’ hair with those tapered fingers and murmur, with that pompous boyish accent: "Is everything alright, Moony?"

Remus, underneath, suspected that it wasn't just friendship. Or gratitude. Or, why not, maybe even admiration. Because when James or Minus happened to pat him on the shoulder, or grab him by the elbow and throw him in some new secret passage, his cheeks did not blush overwhelmingly and his legs did not swell.  
  
He could control himself perfectly if Sirius wasn't nearby.  
  
He can still feel, if he stops to think about it with due attention, the tightness in his chest that he had felt when Sirius had turned around, while they were marching rapidly towards the castle, the aftermath of a night of racing and the beginning of a laugh well printed on his face, and he had asked him: "You don't have a fever, do you? You're red like a horklump", and.  
And Remus had understood. He had simply understood. Well, that it wouldn't all happen in the future as he thought it would be.

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my mother language so I’m sorry if I made mistakes.


End file.
